Ask Mello
by Iris Noir
Summary: Interactive, ask Mello any question you want. I said that I wouldn't re-post till Mello got 7 hits, but it seems he's convinced me to post with only 4....- -; More hits more posts!
1. Chapter 1

Ask Mello

You can ask Mello anything you want, I won't stop you, but I can't guarantee you'll get the answer you want….;)


	2. Chapter 2

'Ask Mello

You can ask Mello anything you want, I won't stop you, but I can't guarantee you'll get the answer you want….;)'

Guten Tag mello!

hey hows it going, i have some questions for you

1. Do you agree that Hershey's chocolate is totally awesome?

2. Do you love Matt? (he loves you D:)

3. Would you go to chocolate land and reek havoc on the citizens and  
chocolate kira?

4. Have you kissed a girl?, If so who was she and were you drunk?

plus...gives Cadbury gift basket ENJOY YOUR CHOCOLATE sulks that was mine  
:

**Dear Topaz Maia, **

**No, I don't. I can't say I've ever even tried Hershey's chocolate, but I doubt It would ever measure to the godliness that is Meiji Black chocolate.**

…**.It depends on who's asking. ;) **

**Possibly if chocolate land really existed…. Kira is too much of a shithead to go to chocolate land!**

**No, I wouldn't tell you anyway, and people from England don't get drunk, they get pissed. **

**OO OMFG! I mean, uh… Thank you, I think I'll just take this with me now……**

**-Mello**

Ok...so i'm gueesin this is based on the Ask L thing  
1: There is also an Ask Near, What are your thoughts on it?  
2: What is your favorite chocolate?  
3: Near or Matt yoai pairings?  
I hope you answer these truthfully  
-Kody

**Dear Kody, **

**I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, but I can assure you, if there was such a way to simply ask L questions, I would be the first to know.**

**I don't know about any "Ask Near", but I do know that Near sucks, and people are much more interested in what I have to say. :)**

**My favorite chocolate is Meiji Black, though Cadbury is good too. I only like dark chocolate.**

**Are you asking if I like the yaoi pairing of MattxNear? Because I most certainly don't! Near can go # himself for all I care! And he better stay the hell away from my Matt. **

**Why wouldn't I answer them truthfully? **

**-Mello**

Hi Mello Im Amber  
1. I think Near cheated to be number one. What do you think?  
2. How long have you and Matt been best friends?  
3. How can you eat so much cocolate without getting sick? I wish I could.  
4. Is there a four? Oh there isnt? Okay then.

**Dear Amber, **

**That would be just like that asshole.**

**When Matty came to Whammy's, I was a total bastard to him, but once I got to know the guy, we've been friends ever since…**

**I eat it slowly, so I can savor the flavor.**

…**.**

**-Mello**

Hello Mello...  
#1:I know you were when Near was chosen instead of you, I was as well, but  
you need to get your emotions behind you. Take a chill-pill!  
#2:What's your favorite kind of chocolate, Swiss, German, or Mexican? (If you  
say all of them, I will kill a small child)  
#3:In the anime, I've never heard your voice. It should be british, but with  
a name like Mihael, you might be welsh, right?

**Dear Fictlizuh, **

…**? What the hell?! If you've got a problem with the way I act then you can go # yourself. I'm not here to take your crap.**

**None of those. I prefer Japanese brands.**

**I used to have a British accent when I lived at Whammy's, but once I left my accent became nondescript. As for my name origin, I'm afraid I don't know. I was brought to Whammy's at a young age.**

**-Mello**


	3. Chapter 3

hi mello how are you im tristan and i have some questions  
1) can i hug you  
2) i think you deserved to be # 1 because Near is an **  
3) are you and matt bestest buddies forever and ever  
4) did you and halle ever have a relationship  
5) are you spiffy today  
bye bye and here have some of my chocolate i have a ** load of it any way  
*gives you chocolate* enjoy

**Dear Tristan, **

**Uh…Alright…..**

**Thank you, I agree. *To Iris Noir: "I like this kid."**

**Yeah, forever. :3**

**No, not the way you're thinking.**

**You could say that….**

**Thank You, I'm getting a lot of this lately….**

**-Mello**

Hey Mello  
Ever been called Jello?  
Is your name made fun of?  
Did the mafia take you seriously?  
How did you join the mafia?  
Favorite thing to do to annoy someone?  
Ever got sick on choclate?  
Any advice on confidence?  
Does Near annoy you?  
Final thoughts as you were dying? That Takada was evil but she died after  
you.  
Ever pranked anyone at the orphanage?

Sonar

**Dear Sonar, **

**What do you think?**

**No**

**Of course they did, I killed their boss. I think that deserves some respect, don't you?**

**I killed the head boss. It was easy actually, only took me two bullets.**

**I don't know….drug their coffee? I'm not the kind of person who goes around annoying people.**

**No, never.**

**Umm, believe in yourself? Why?**

**Yes.**

**WTF?! Do I look dead to you? **

**Yes, I mostly to Roger, but I played a few on Near….Good times.**

**-Mello**

good day Mello I am agent Plum I will not devulge my real name incase Kira is  
listening

1. what do you feel when people call you a girl

2. I really hate Near he reminds me to much of my evil little  
sister

3. how you get the scar never was able to find that episode

4. whats more disturbing Matt/Near Yaoi or Mello/Near Yaoi  
personally the second one scares me to a point where i want  
my eyes gouged out

and that is all (leaves death by chocolate gift basket)

**Dear Plum, **

**Smart kid…**

**No one's called me a girl before. At least not to my face.**

**Yes, he is most certainly a little asshole.**

**Long story short, I blew up a building, and got a little souvenir. You know, I'm a little sensitive about it. ******

**I really couldn't pick. Both are equally horrifying, and the fan-girls who come up with such things can go to hell.**

**Thank you *tosses chocolate on pile***

**-Mello**


	4. Chapter 4

wow that was fast but anyway on to buisiness

I have placed an exploding action figure in Nears toy box if he doesn't  
discover its a trap he'll have no eyebrows for months

**Plum, **

**Nice, I'd love to see that. **

hi mello i dont have to worry about kira killing me cause im insane before he  
reaches his death note he will be bleeding on the floor *laughs evily* right  
questions  
do you have any pets  
yay hugs *hugs you8  
did you know i killed near yesterday but he came back as a zombie  
and i hope that my chocolate was good  
so i know you how you got your scar in stuff and your sensitive about it but  
did you get hit with something that gave you scar when you blew up the  
building and i think your scar makes you look bad **  
and tell matt i said hi

**Dear mello rox my sox, **

**Alrighty…..**

**No. I don't like pets, plus it would be too hard to keep up with one considering my current occupation.**

**Ok…..**

**Really? Is that so?**

**Chocolate? All chocolate is good.**

**No, my gas mask was blown off, and I got burned badly.**

**Really? Thank you. ******

**Alright.**

**-Mello**

Dear Mello,  
Awkward question... Have you ever had sex with Matt?

**Dear Wicked-Lollypop, **

**Ummm……wow. O///O That is an awkward question….well….what do you think? ;)**

Yo mello

i totally agree with kira being too much of a ** head to go to chocolateland  
he would ruin it's flavor

did you know your from Germany? and so's matty :D

how often do you drink alcoholic beverages?

if you saw a kid that looked and acted like near what would you do?

what would you do if you were locked in a room with misa for a day?

what would you do if you were locked in a room with a fangirl for a day?

would you get cranky if i beat you at checkers?

**Dear Topaz Maia, **

**No! Really? *sarcasm***

**Not all that often. I'll occasionally have something at a club, or if Matt drags me into a bar.**

…**nothing.**

**Who the Hell is Misa? Oh, that blond chick? I don't know, probably kill myself.**

**Depends on who it was, and what they attempted to do to me. **

**No, because it would never happen.**

**-Mello**

Dear Mello,

Most of the time, I call you Mel-Mel or MarshMello... Your name is so cute, I  
have to give you nicknames XD  
Anyway! Onto the questions!

1. Mel-Mel, I love the pairing MattxMello. I support it whole-heartedly!  
-heart- You two are great together.  
2. I hate Kira-face. Do you hate Kira?  
3. What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say, "L"?  
4. What is your opinion on Beyond Birthday (you know, that super cool guy  
that you called "B-senpai" in Death Note: Another Note? Which, by the way, is  
uber cute.)? I love him.  
5. This isn't actually a question, but... You're my favorite blond character.

6. This isn't a question either... But... I think you're better than Near!  
Near's just a stupid albino that eats his toys, while you, on the other hand,  
are a girly-looking, though totally pwns, blond that eats chocolate. And even  
though you look kind of like a girl, I make sure that if I hear anyone calling  
you a girl, I tell them that you are most certainly NOT a girl. You're just  
awesome.

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF ALL

7. If you had a choice, would you choose L or Kira to support, if you never  
looked up to L? Would you still choose L if you despised him, yet wanted to  
become him, like B?

That is all.

**Dear BlackRoseMuffin,**

…**..**

**Thank you. ;)**

**Of course I hate Kira. That heartless bastard killed the most important person in my life. Matt being number two.**

**My mentor, my friend, my idol, he was the person who took me in, the first person who cared for me.**

**What is my opinion on this thing you call "uber cute"? Hmm, let's see, he killed without provocation, and he almost destroyed L. He is a selfish, rude, disgusting, despicable, crass, odious shit head. In no circumstance is he "uber cute".**

**Alright…**

**Girly-looking? I'm NOT girly-looking. I am awesome however, and I'm better then Near. **

**Ok, number one, I would always chose the path of justice, L's path. Number two, B didn't want to become L, he wanted to surpass him. There's a vital difference between the two. Number three, I could never, ever despise L.**

**-Mello**


	5. Chapter 5

Hello Mello  
Most humliating moment?  
Do you think that if you and Near worked together that you would have  
surpassed L?  
What dong do you hate the most?  
Do you think Takada is ugly?  
Worse chocolate you tasted?  
Ever use duct tape to fix something?  
Ever broke any of Matt's stuff?  
Ever had a emotional breakdown?  
Broke any of Near's toys?  
Ever make fun of Near when he isn't around?  
Do you think things might of gone differently if you hadn't decided to test  
that notebook and kidnap Takada?

Later Mello  
(Matt: Have you ever been mellow?  
Sonar: Hey! Where did you come from Matt?  
Matt: I was asked to appear here and someone hid my video game.  
Sonar: try over there cutie  
Sonar points and Matt looks)

Sonar

**Dear Sonar, **

**When I first started my studies at Wammy's House I was overly cocky, and thought my scores would be at the top, no question, so when I found that I only scored 6****th**** you can imagine my disappointment, and humiliation. After that I actually studied for my exams, and brought myself up to 2****nd****.**

**That's hard to say. I don't see why we can't surpass L by ourselves.**

**What do I hate the most? I don't know. I'm not the kind of person who hates things….**

**I don't like her, but I have to admit that she's attractive.**

**None, I've never tasted chocolate that I didn't like.**

**Of course, who hasn't?**

**No, though I almost stepped on his DS once…..**

**Yes. I didn't handle L's death very well.**

**Yeah, a few times. I liked to rip the limbs off his dolls.**

**Of course.**

…**? I don't follow, but I think what I did had to be done.**

**Cutie…?**

**-Mello**

Mello please help me my sister Olive is dating Near AH

**Dear Plumalchemyst, **

**No, she isn't. I happen to know that Near is afraid of intimacy, and in my opinion, he's not so into girls. He's more or less asexual.**

**-Mello**

... Well. Thanks for answering my questions, Mello...

BUT, you seem to have misunderstood me on some points. I did not call B  
"uber cute," I called him "super cool." I said that the fact you called B  
B-senpai in the novel was uber cute... And it kind of was...  
... I never actually read Death Note: Another Note, so, yeah. But still, B  
probably wanted to become L to surpass him; B could have wanted to show L that  
the copy is better than the original.

Eh, excuse my ramblings. I have new questions! Mwahaha!

1. MarshMello, yes, you ARE girly-looking. But Near looks like a white  
rabbit, so that's okay.

2. I love you for saying you hate Kira. For some reason, he has more  
fangirls than you... Which is really messed up. D: So! What would you do if  
you met Kira RIGHT NOW?

3. B wanted to make a case that no one but L could solve. He tried to commit  
suicide by burning himself, but Naomi Misora (I hate her name...) just HAD to  
come in at the wrong time and save him! I bet B's ** off with her. She  
messed up his plans! And yes, B may be selfish, but you are too, Mel-Mel.  
You're rude, too, BTW. B is not disgusting. He may be despicable, but  
wouldn't you want to usurp Near from his throne, too?--That's not my  
question... Anyway, here's my question: Have you ever thought that B may have  
some sympathy for you, you who will always be second (but not in your fangirls  
eyes, of course.)? B was always second, too, Mello. So don't judge him  
unfairly.

4. Let's say you were in Near's place. How would you feel if you were only a  
little boy, voted first in line of L's successors, and number 2 hated you with  
a passion for no reason at all, other than being first? How would you feel,  
then?

That's the end of my questions, since I have to get off my computer now. :]  
Bye~

**Dear BlackRoseMuffin, **

**You're Welcome. It doesn't really matter whether you called B "uber cute", or "super cool", I'll stick to my previous statement, and once again, surpassing someone, and becoming them are two very different things.**

**NO, I'm not. End of discussion.**

**It really doesn't matter how many fans he has. Do you really think I got were I am today by being popular? If I saw Kira right now, I'd shoot the bastard in the foot, then in the hand, then in the other foot. **

**No, B wanted to create a case that L **_**couldn't **_**solve, so that L would be haunted by him for the rest of his life. That's why he attempted to kill himself, so that L couldn't solve the case. I may be selfish at times, but I'm certainly not rude. I can be quite the gentleman, thank you. And B is disgusting, BTW. He eats jam with his hands straight from the jar. Enough said. I'm afraid the Ms. Misora would have to agree. While I may want to "usurp" Near, there's a big difference between a little rivalry, and a psychotic obsession. There is no sympathy from that loathsome creature; he doesn't know the meaning of the word. I'm not second. I'm Mello. I'm not defined by some silly number. I'm judging him as fairly as he deserves. Don't chide me.**

**I don't hate him for no reason. I have plenty of reason to hate him, and I honestly doubt he cares.**

**-Mello**

Hey Mello,  
1. Does your scar continue past your face, like onto your chest or  
something?  
2. BLONDES RULE THE WORLD!  
3. Do you like snow?  
4. What's your favorite color?  
5. What's your opinion on Light's last day, when Near caught him? I think he  
acted kinda stupid. I mean, instead of running away, he decided to teach  
everybody how to swim on the floor! Jeez!  
6. Can I call you Mellificious? No? Okay... just a thought...  
7. Can I have a hug? I had a bad day. My pyromaniac friend tried to torch  
me.  
That's all!  
-EowynsPen

**Dear EowynsPen, **

**Yes, it goes down to hip bone.**

**Yes, yes they do.**

**It's ok. I don't like the cold, but it looks nice on trees and window sills.**

**I'd have to say green.**

**Yes, he died like the worm he is. I would have squished him under my boot….**

…

**Well…Ok…*waits awkwardly to be hugged***

**-Mello**

yay you answered my questions  
and yes he did come back as a zombie so next time you see him shoot that  
mother ** head off  
oh that does make sense about that scar  
so whats your favorite chocolate

**Dear mello rox my sox, **

**Of course ******

**Ok…**

**I couldn't choose, but probably Meiji Black.**


	6. Chapter 6

yay Mello i never seem to run out of questions do i i hope you are well  
1) do you have a favorite color  
2) when did you start wearing leather  
3) how close were you and Matt  
4) and your serious in stuff you should try to losen up i recommend midol  
5) have you ever been mellow  
thats all for today *hugs you* bye bye mello

**Dear mello rox my sox, **

**I like a lot of colors, but if I had to choose I'd have to say green**

**When I joined the mafia I decided that I'd need a more appropriate wardrobe.**

**He's been my best friend for countless years. I don't know what I'd do without him.**

**What…?**

**Of course, I'm mellow most of the time. I'm not always blowing up buildings, and kidnapping girls. **

**-Mello**

Mello,  
Kays,  
1. Is it true that you have super stalking skills?  
2. How did you meet Matt?  
3. Fav L moment? Maybe when he was acting fatherly or big brotherly or  
something?  
4. Was there ever a time when you thought Near was cool, or thought he was  
cute (in a kid way, no romance)?  
5. What's your favorite movie?  
6. Have you ever been molested by passing fangirls?  
7. Just some advice: NEVER drink and decorate. Just don't. It isn't pretty.  
-EowynsPen  
(PS thanks for the hug!)

**Dear EowynsPen, **

**I don't know, I've never stalked someone, but I imagine that I'd probably be3 pretty good at it…**

**He came to Wammy's a few years after me. I think I first meet him in science studies. He was my assigned lab partner. (so cliché) **

**I only really meet L once in person, which was a real honor. (Unfortunately Near was with me too) We got to drink tea together, and discuss how well our studies were going. I'll never forget that, it was the best day of my young life.**

**No.**

**I haven't seen very many lately, but I'd have to say Risky Business with Tom Cruise. The underwear scene is classic.**

**No, not yet at least…**

**Decorate what? I don't drink much anyway…**

**You're welcome. **

**-Mello**

Hey Mello  
(blush) So I think Matt is kind of cute.  
Favorite actor/actress?  
Worse band?  
Worse song?  
Worse habit you picked up?  
Strangest thing you learned about Matt?  
Even if you were dead, Near said that together, the two of you could surpass  
L.  
Stupidest conclusion to come to?  
Worse pick up line?  
Scariest fangirl experience?  
Has Matt ever done anything crazy?  
Craziest thing you done?  
Ever been careless?  
Ever felt helpless?

(Matt: Found it!  
Sonar chuckles as Matt starts playing)

Is there times where you have to drag Matt away from his video game?

Bye

Sonar

**Dear Sonar, **

**I'll tell him you said so.**

**I don't really have one, but I do like Harrison Ford. He's a master.**

**Probably some religious rock band. That kind of music sucks.**

**I don't know…**

**I smoked a little bit when I first joined the mafia. I ended up quitting after about a year.**

**Did you know that he's got a fetish for donuts? That's pretty strange if you ask me.**

……

**What do you mean exactly?**

"**Do you have a map? Because I'm getting lost in your eyes." It's classically creepy, and idiotic. I think if you've got to use a shitty pick up line, then you might as well make it good and dirty, or at least include the word sex. You'd probably get more girls (or guys) with "Let's F***" then some cheesy comment about their eyes.**

**I haven't really had any. **

**Yes, who hasn't?**

**I took a car for a joy ride, got stuck on an obscure country road, got it towed, drove it back two days later, after tuning it up and got away with it. **

**Yes.**

**Of course.**

**Yes, when I require his attention for more **_**important **_**things….**

**-Mello**

uh okay then whose the white haired dork she's dating then

**Dear Plumalchemyst, **

**I have no idea. **

**-Mello**

Mello, Mello, Mello...

In Death Note: Another Note (the one with BEYOND BIRTHDAY in it, if you  
didn't know.), you never once expressed hatred, disgust, or even dislike  
toward B. At least, that's what I hear... I'm getting the novel for  
Christmas.

Here are more of my questions (I seem to love annoying you...).

1. A is for Alternative. B is for Backup. L is for Loser (and a number of  
other things...). N is for Next. So what are the M's?

2. Just to annoy you farther... -hugs you- Seriously, Mello, I'm sure that B  
can be civil. I'm sure he wasn't always as psychotic as he was, too... So,  
here's my question: Do you think that B was killed by Kira?

3. I'd probably shoot Kira, too, if I had a gun. ._. But I don't carry one  
around with me... Anyway. You're really sure that Near wouldn't care (I think  
he wouldn't, too), but still. This is hypothetical, of course, since I am  
NEVER going to participate in an Ask Near thing and ask him if he does: what  
if Near did care?

4. I'm trying to write a MelloxMatt fanfic, but I can't get any ideas in the  
'meeting' part of the story, so... MarshMello, how did you react when you  
first met Matt?

5. If you could save only one person from dying, who would it be?

That's all for now. :3  
Bye, MarshMello~

**Dear BlackRoseMuffin, **

**Muffin, Muffin, Muffin….**

**I don't know if you're aware of this, but I W**ROT**E "Death Note: Another Note". The reason I do not express my opinions of BEYOND BIRTHDAY, as you put it, is because I wrote said novel as purely informative, I didn't included my own personal takes, or thoughts about the ordeal, because that wasn't the point. **

**Hmmm….Do you now?**

**I'm the wrong person to ask. Since it seems that you came up with these, why don't you tell me? And L does not stand for loser.**

**That's an interesting question. It's hard to say, what do you think? (I don't find hugs annoying, awkward maybe, but not annoying)**

**Well then he could make some sort of effort to befriend me. I probably wouldn't shoot him down **_**right**_** away…**

**MarshMello…? When I first meet Matt I honestly thought he was a loser, but he tried so hard. You couldn't really tell, but he was so determined to make me like him, that I couldn't resist. How's that?**

**Matt. Even if I died it wouldn't matter, because I couldn't live without him anyway. **

**-Mello**


	7. So sorry!

Sorry to all those "Ask Mello" fans! Mello's…..I mean MY computer crashed. Something _bad_ was downloaded, though I'm not saying what…..;) Anyway, we still don't have our doc.s back, so I'm currently incapable of updating, but fear not! Mello is still working his butt off to answer your questions! Please be patient with me. Mello wanted me to tell you that it's his fault, and not mine.

~Later, Iris Noir~


End file.
